Being sick actually makes me sick

I hate being sick. When I get sick or anyone I feel responsible for gets sick, I become furious with myself. I feel as if I have failed. Failed to wash hands properly. Forgotten to wipe down a doorknob before walking out. Did not take cover fast enough when that rude person in line at the grocery store sneezed all over the place! Perturbed about too many late nights in a row! Just plain aggravated.

Not sure what came first, being a semi-germaphobe or despising being sick. It doesn't quite matter because either way I admit that I am one of “those people.”

One of the first things I taught my kids was to NEVER, EVER TOUCH THE PUBLIC TOILET SEAT, FLUSHER OR THOSE FILTHY KNOBS! They learned to flush with a push of their foot, turn the knob with the paper towel you used to dry your washed hands with, which is different from the paper towel you used to turn the water on with. Yeah, I’m that mom!

We are that family that looks like we are going into ER surgery in the public bathroom with our hands up and all! Yes, I have been known to spray a mist of Original-scented Lysol whenever my kids came home from school during the cold and flu season. We rarely use those despicably germy handrails. I have even concocted a special potion taken at the first sign of “trouble.”

So, when I got sick a few weeks back I went into combat mode. I sprayed the entire house with Lysol, washed all sheets in hot water, ingested enough potion for a family of four, went to bed early and drank endless mugs of ginger tea with my friend’s home-crafted honey. After a week of coughing--which led to little sleep for my husband as well as myself-- he was certain I had pneumonia. Can't have that during football season, so he called one of the team doctors. The conversation went something like this:

Husband: Hey Doc, my wife is coughing.

Doctor: Ummm, Allison, are you running a fever?

Allison: Nope

Husband: Yes you are!!! You have hot flashes all the time!

Allison: That is not a fever Jeff, that’s called Menopause!

Doctor: (a moment of silence) Allison, hydrate, take a cough suppressant and call if you worsen.

I pressed on… hydrating, coughing and flashing. With a much anticipated and planned School Author visit right around the corner I thought I should make sure I was not contagious. So off to the Clinic I went. After endless questions and vitals, it seemed I had a virus that would have to run its course--but that I was not contagious. I should drink plenty of fluids and take cough syrup. She left me with my personally computer-generated printouts to read while she picked up my prescriptions. The first printout was entitled: You are Overweight. WHAT? I had to look at it again to make sure I read it properly. It explained that my BMI (Body Mass Index) was some number that did not fall into the healthy category. It went on to explain how I could benefit from eating less. Oh and how I should work out with some regularity, really? Isn’t that why I was here in the first place! Tell me something I don’t already know you stupid $%*@# machine!!!

And so, with a few doses of heavily medicated cough syrup I was able to bank some much needed restful sleep, broke free from my home and spoke to the students at West Rock Author’s Academy. Oh and about that printout… I ate it!

Moral: Embrace your crazy!

Your semi-germaphobe friend,

A little thing I want to share with you: My potion works 99% of the time for me and those I share it with. These companies do not know me, pay me, sponsor or own me! Just sharing this with you out of the kindness, cleanliness and healthiness of my heart!