The first wedding blog I attempted was absolutely lovely—just like our son and daughter-in-law’s wedding. Yet, it was missing all the bits- the ones that brought angst, uncomfortable situations, difficult decisions and potentially hurt feelings. For me, balancing the traditions I grew up with versus those of the younger generation were at times uncomfortable. In my day, we followed traditional wedding guidelines but this generation questions everything including those traditions. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade sharing this experience with them for anything, but the moment the ring slid on our daughter-in-law’s finger the struggles began.

photos courtesy of Abbe Foreman Photography

They tirelessly searched for a unique intimate wedding venue that offered both outdoor and indoor space to no avail. That is, until they stepped foot onto Appleford Estate. A beautiful 300-year-old stone mansion tucked into a quiet residential neighborhood on the Philadelphia Main Line. Its acreage loaded with weeping willow trees alongside a pond, an arboretum, waterfall and endless, yet meticulous, gardens. Now they had their dream venue, a wedding date and the solid number of guests that could be invited.

That meant making a list and checking it not just once or twice but a hundred times! Being a rule follower and worrying about hurting people’s feelings made this my worst part. Apparently, these days being a family member does not guarantee an invitation. A meaningful pre-existing relationship was their requirement before an invite was to be considered. I only pushed back a few times, feeling excluding certain people was, as my dear friend always says, “Not worth the stain!” Truth be told, the kids had the right idea all along and I learned a very important life lesson. Traditions can and sometimes should be broken. What helped us all agree on the toughest decisions was this singular question, “When you see them at your wedding will they make you smile from the inside out?” It was after all, their wedding, not ours.

With venue and guest list done it was time to focus on the Gift Registry. I had anticipated a registry filled with housewares and such. Instead, it was a comprehensive list of experiences. Wine tastings, pasta making, air & train tickets, hotels, etc. I felt awkward they were basically asking for money. They felt since they were already living together, they would much prefer and appreciate honeymoon memories they might not be able to experience without the support of those they loved. As their “gifts” rolled in, it was clear these two and their generation were indeed onto something brilliant.

Somewhere along the way, the topic of a Day of Wedding Coordinator came up. As a gal who loves a good themed party and attention to details … I thought we could do without. I WAS A GAZILLION PERCENT WRONG. Jess began as the final month pressure rose. Our first meeting she listened with a full heart, kept us all on task, had solutions for all questions and handled our concerns like she was taming a tiger—calm yet strong. Wedding day she donned angel wings and a Ringmaster’s hat. She masterfully reassured nerves, juggled strong personalities, kept us hydrated and fed, appeared magically when needed most and managed our wedding day timeline like a pro. She was a wedding game changer without a doubt.

As for my MOG dress. I already covered this in a prior blog (click this link), but here are the promised loose ends. After months of stewing, I selected the dress my friends, family and most importantly, the bride chose. They loved Krystle, the one I thought was too bright, too risqué and perhaps too much. She wasn’t. What she was though was comfortable, beautiful and made it easy to find me in the crowd. Poor gal is still recovering in a heap on my bathroom floor.

I can relate. As the night came to an end, guests went back to their lives and days weren’t filled with lists, jobs and planning, I couldn’t help but feel blueish. As mother of the groom, I was beyond happy and couldn’t love our daughter-in-law any more, even if I tried really, really hard. But I knew though a new chapter was beginning so too one was ending. Blueish hung around a bit longer than I had anticipated and left me dazed and flitting between elated and exhausted. But as special packages in the form of texts, phone calls and pictures arrived from loved ones I very slowly returned to my natural shade of happy.

Your true blue friend,

allison

Moral: Just as I said in my wedding toast, “…choose your people carefully and wisely, because it takes a village to maneuver all life throws your way.”

A little thing I think you should know: A wedding is all about the personal touches. Hotel boxes for our out-of-town guests. Personal handwritten letters from the bride and groom waiting for each guest at their seat. Rosemary infused olive oil in glass bottles as wedding favors. Zeus, their dog, was the ring bearer. Tables names depicting places with special meaning to the couple. The ceremony was led by the groom’s uncle in English and bride’s sister in Portuguese, so all the guests could follow along in their native language. Homemade traditional Portuguese dessert Brigadeiro was served. The night ended with each guest taking home a late-night snack from the newlywed's favorite bagel store at the Jersey Shore. All those details took endless hours and people to execute but will forever live on in the hearts of those who shared in their special day.

Allison's Blog