I know many of you have wondered where my blogs have been, and I’m always touched by those who check in to make sure I’m doing okay. Truth is, I am, it’s just I haven’t exactly been moved enough about anything to want to write about it lately. That is, until this past Monday night, when my feelings got the best of me.
Photo credit to my friend Kristin Istvan
Tailgating at Lincoln Financial in Philadelphia, PA
Let me set the scene for you: My husband coaches for the Philadelphia Eagles football team. This means different things to different people; but for the sake of this blog, it means I was at the Philadelphia Eagles v. Minnesota Vikings Monday Night Football game. Not only was it our first home game of the 2022-2023 football season, it was a nationally televised night game and a formidable opponent. Shaken, stirred or on the rocks, it was a stressful evening kind of cocktail. I worried about the final score, injuries, traffic, tailgating fare, forgetting our tickets, parking pass and a bottle opener! Fixating on these details distracted me from the raw emotions bubbling up inside of me.
My football grown kid lending a hand to another football kid.
Why so emotional? Conflict. One of my dear friend’s husband coaches for the Minnesota Vikings. She and I met as strangers 10 seasons ago when both our husbands were on the Philadelphia staff. Our “like” of each other was immediate, and so began our football friendship. There is something very different about a football friendship. You respect each other’s children for braving the “new kid at school” angst. You live the same crazy schedule. You’ve moved more times than most want to count and created a new life for your families every time. This commonality gives the friendship a jump-start and intensity. So, we eagerly planned to meet up at halftime.
Sideline double hug from our buddy Chance Warmack
As part of my family’s pre-game ritual, we go on the field to watch warm-ups and see our husband/dad. Another perk of that tradition, which surprises most, is visiting with the opposing staff and players. Why would we co-mingle with the enemy? Because, if you’ve been in this business long enough, you have a few “football family friends” on every team you play. So being able to quickly catch up with them is sometimes the true highlight of the day. Boys we coached in college come up and hug us as adults, husbands and even fathers, too. Coaches who’ve stepped into our lives come running over for hugs, updates and a quick picture with the fam. We all understand how important the wives and families are to each other and to the success and happiness of their own family. It’s a love fest on the sidelines just before the coin toss.
When the whistle blew for halftime I eagerly made my way to my friend. She was waiting for me, with her quiet demeanor and bright smile. We hugged like it had been forever, even though just two seasons had passed, and then came the tears. All true friendships feel this way. It’s not about the quantity of time you spend with someone, it’s about the quality. It’s a cliche, but so true. Shared memories, forgotten stories, sharing scary feelings, catching up on all the big and little things. And the realization just how important a person is to you and how deeply you miss them in your daily life.
Since our meeting, I’ve been raw with emotions. Reminiscing about all the other true friendships I have made during my 30 years as a football coach’s wife. No, I’m not going anywhere just yet, but I am counting my blessings. To all the strong and honest wives whose paths I have crossed, I thank you. I am a better, kinder, stronger, smarter, sassier and more dependable person thanks in part to adopting a bit of each one of you in me. I deeply miss my “old” friends, but also look forward to making wonderful new ones. Because in this line of work my friends, it’s a necessity.
Moral: A strong friendship doesn’t need daily conversations; doesn’t always need togetherness. As long as the friendship lives in the heart, true friends will never part.
A little idea I have: Have you watched an episode or season of HBO’s Hard Knocks, a television show that follows one NFL team through training camp? It depicts all the challenges players and coaches face during pre-season. Well, here’s my two cents for what it’s worth. I think they should do a Hard Knocks season on the football families. You want drama, hardship, adversity, high emotions and depth of character. Look at how football families handle the public’s raw emotion of love and hate of their team when they win or lose. The pressure of the media and press, sometimes including the calling for the firing of a coach. The constant threat of moving to a new team, city, school and neighborhood hanging over our respective heads. It’s not always great to be living that, but that sure would make for great television.