No, seriously, have you seen my abs? I haven’t in quite sometime now. If I’m being honest, they may have actually run away. You see, I’ve never been very nice to them. Why? It’s simple, they have never really impressed me. I guess I just never felt they went out of their way for me. When I was 16 I thought they were flabby and lazy. If I only knew what was to come I might have been much more appreciative and complimentary.
As a single gal in my 20’s, I was certain that my stomach was my weak link. After all, why else would all my friends be getting married while I was their bridesmaid? It had to be the abs, right? So everyday after work, my abs and I teamed up and went to the gym. Of course I do not really think it was the abs, but one night out I met the guy who became my husband! So my abs and I got married and spent our honeymoon in a bikini!!! Looking back now, that was our peak, our shining moment!
I’m sure what followed is common to many. The 30’s brought pregnancies and children. We spent the first pregnancy making sure we had enough calcium for strong bones, which meant we enjoyed chocolate chip cookies with every glass of milk. Not our best move. It is possible that my abs felt forgotten, taken advantage of and therefore quite unhappy. We spent those years caring for the needs of our kids and put ours aside. At that time in our lives we were hanging by a mommy thread and we were the least of our concerns.
With the start of the 40’s, we were in sync again! Our common goal of turning the big 4-0 and looking our best was in full force! As life often happens, my abs and I started strong and then began to take our relationship for granted and slacked off. We never went to the gym together, our morning sit up routine became a thing of the past, and we just did not make time together a priority. We spent our hours driving kids to and from activities, homework and keeping our home in order. It shocked me how reorganizing the spice rack was more important to us than going to the gym. At the end of our 40’s a young friend made us her New Years Resolution, and would literally pick us up each morning at 5:30 and go to the gym. I don’t admit this to too many people, but we loved that routine. That is until she moved away and we went back to our old ways!
With the 50’s here our kids are either in college or on their way. Our mornings are not full of making three meals a day, picking up the house, running errands and food shopping all before the clock strikes 3. We have time now to take care of us. No excuses anymore, no drawers to reorganize. We have found comfort in starting out the day at the gym. The ironic thing is that now my abs are nowhere to be found. NOWHERE! I have been searching in all the obvious places… gym, my exercise clothes, inside my sneakers, even my skinny jeans but no sign of them anywhere. Someone told me that many abs can be found in Barre Classes, so I attended that too … for over a year now. Everyday that I go I think they will be there waiting for me with open arms. The other day my instructor friend said, “Place your left hand on your abs and smack them, this will engage them.” With hope I placed my hand on my belly. NEWS FLASH: They are still missing.
So if you happen to see my abs wandering the streets, please send them home to me. Let them know that I am determined to find them because I really do miss them very much.
Moral: Taking anything or anyone for granted usually does not end well.
Your friend,
