Call me Wing-mom

This blog was written in the sky somewhere between Spain and New York City after I spent a week helping our son make Seville, Spain his new home overseas. One might assume “Wing-mom” refers to a mom who banks sky miles to be with her children. You would be mistaken. Thinking Wing-moms don capes and leap tall buildings in a single bound. Wrong again—though pretty sure they could if necessary.

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Here’s the truth, a Wing-mom supports her child to be their best self. She must be brave enough to encourage and allow their first independent steps and let go of the bike when they’re learning to ride. Her heart soft enough to break when her child’s heart does, but strong enough to heal them both. Wing-mom possesses the strength to fake a thumbs up as her child walks out the door to their first school bus, sleepover, date or drives away in the family car. She documents the “first” of every single thing with a vengeance. Her faith runs deep enough to step back and quietly watch her child make mistakes, yet be there afterwards to help appreciate the tough lessons. In summation, wing-mom is selfless enough to let her child grow up to be independent so they eventually have the courage to fly away from them.

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Whether your child chooses to land down the road or across the globe the result is the same: They have physically left you. With seven long hours on this plane, I’ve determined this seems the oddest of rewards. You give your heart and soul, every ounce of energy and love you possess, spend so much of your time every single day raising your child to be successfully independent and courageous enough to have them leave? Somehow that doesn’t seem right.

It’s been happening for centuries, yet somehow I find myself surprised. All my mothering life I was the pilot, planner, protector, cook, driver, organizer, interpreter, leader and decision maker. This past week while traversing the medieval city of Seville, I downshifted gears. I didn’t lead, I followed. I did not interpret, I listened. There was no directing on my part, just support and encouragement. Honestly, I wish I had packed a cape because this was much harder than I anticipated. 

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If you know me, you know I like to handle things and make them right. But this trip was different. I needed to take a back seat, be the passenger and go along for the ride. I wanted him to struggle with me close by. I needed to see him get lost in the labyrinth of streets and find his way. I relinquished my need to “do” so he could lead the search for the right apartment in his brand-new city. Many times I bit my lip, but you know what? He not only managed, but thrived. He found his way for the both of us, opened up a bank account and an international phone plan. He found an apartment in a neighborhood he felt fit his needs with two Italians and a French guy, whose only common language amongst them is Spanish as their second language! It will be these memories I am counting on to fortify my heart when worry gets the best of me. 

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So as my plane flies further and further away from the little boy who refused to sleep over at a friend’s house his entire childhood, I am confident he will be happy in Seville, Spain. While he masters his command of the Spanish language, teaches English to little ones at a local elementary school and travels, I’ll go back home and throw myself into running The Stoutland Inn, but without the piece of my heart I left with my son in Spain.

jake bienvenidos.jpg

your Wing-mom friend,

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Moral: Time flies as do our children.

A little thing you should know: A few days prior to this trip I shared my worries with my Aunt. “How in the world will I find a clean apartment in a safe neighborhood and make it feel like home in less than one week? I cannot even speak Spanish. I am so worried I will not be able get this done.” Her response was immediate, powerful, and heart changing. “Allison, that is not your job. You are his wingman, his support and safety net in case he should fall.” And she was oh so right… thank you Aunt Nancy!

When you gotta go….

These past few weeks too many people I love have experienced life threatening health scares. So much so that I wondered if my angels were sending me a message. So when my younger and much cooler friend suggested we do a HIIT workout (High Intensity Interval Training) a.k.a (Holy Idiotic Insane Training) I was very hesitant but felt I had better say yes.

We arrived at our gym for an elliptical warm-up, which is honestly more of a full-on sweat-fest for me! Next we gathered our weapons of mass destruction; dumbbells, jump-ropes, kettle bells, medicine balls and a mat. Being the more hip chick, she handled her iPhone app timer and I managed to pull up the torture list on my phone. Of course, being 53 years of age I couldn’t even see this list without my glasses-keeping in mind sweat and glasses never ends well. Just 30 mere seconds into our first bit it was clear I was in over my head. Not only was my chest just about concussing me with each jump but my stomach should have been flagged for illegal motion. (Sorry, couldn’t help the football references) Between holding my chest in place and sucking in my lower half, I almost didn't notice the more severe situation; my bladder. With fear in my eyes, which she may or may not have recognized due to my sweating profusely or her age, I excused myself and “kegeled" my way towards the bathroom.

[key-guh l, kee-]

The name of a pelvic floor muscle and exercise, named after Dr. Kegel who discovered the exercise. These muscles are attached to the pelvic bone and act like a hammock, holding in your pelvic organs. A common function of these muscles is stopping and starting the flow of urine. 

Now just envision this exercise in a walking position; you see it right?

Now just envision this exercise in a walking position; you see it right?

My sincerest apologies to those who kindly tried to converse with me as I passed-this was no time for small talk. This was game time. My mind was focused with my goal in sight-the bathroom. One slip up and well, there would sure be something to slip up in. And with months of practice makes perfect, my form was spot on. With the pride of a gymnast who just stuck her landing, I barged into the ladies bathroom only to find a LINE five deep! I quickly weighed my options. Could I make it to another bathroom in time? Should I use the men’s bathroom just one door over, which no matter the venue or location, always seems to never have a line? Could I pull the “Can I sneak in front of you, I have an old bladder?” card? I looked at my suspects, and that’s when I noticed this line was comprised of woman who all had my same look upon their face. These woman were my seniors and just finished an early morning Strength for Life Class and most importantly, all deserving of my respect. I resided myself to stay put, practice patience, kegels and enjoy the never disappointing bathroom chatter.  

“That was a close one Penny, almost didn't make it through that class!” “I know, I had to leave in the middle even though I had already gone before it started.” “Helen, at least we are here. You heard about Susan, right?” And there amongst a chatty woman’s bathroom you could hear the slightest gasp from the second stall and our bathroom went silent. 

All of a sudden I was no longer worried about my bladder. I could care less about my “orangutan” boobs. I was here. Albeit, anxiously waiting for my turn to use a public toilet, but I WAS HERE. There was a collective moment of silence amongst us for a woman some of us did not even know. An awareness that even standing in the ladies bathroom line you will find what you didn’t even realize you were waiting for. 

Orangutan in motion.jpg

So with an empty bladder and improved perspective, I said a silent thank you to a woman I will never have the chance to meet, prayers for recuperating loved ones and hurried back to my patiently waiting friend, who may or may not have been worried I’d fallen and couldn't get up.

Moral: It may indeed be true, life places us just where we need to be.

with blatant honesty, 

*names changed out of respect

 

Pre-season’s not just for the big guys

For fans, the football pre-season can’t come soon enough as it signals a clean slate with endless possibilities. In our home, however, it arrives to a plethora of emotions. When I was newly married and for the first time in my life living far from all my friends and family, being married to a coach meant dinners alone, feeling lonely and well, plain ole’ depressed. Once our kids arrived I was crippled with fear and an overwhelming sense of “How in the world am I going to cope alone?” As the kids got a bit older and missed their daddy something awful, that’s when I packed them up in our Jeep and took “our show” on the road for a much-needed distraction.

That said, I’m proud to report our family has survived over 25 pre-seasons in college and in the NFL. I like to believe we’ve mastered the art of making the very most of our uninterrupted family time. Since a coach has very little vacation time, we traditionally opt to leave our town for summer vacation. The rest of our summer is spent visiting family, cooking meals together and accomplishing, okay maybe just starting, a few projects around our house. When “our coach” begins saying, “You guys know this is my last week at home, right?” “Tonight is our last dinner together.” “I just played my last round of golf until next year.” “I’ll be right back, I’m going to get the car washed one last time.” That’s when we know it’s THE COUNTDOWN, which sometimes feels more like a rocket launch—football is fast approaching.  But when his briefcase is ceremoniously placed on the kitchen island, we know it’s for real. Now, instead of each of us falling to bits, we embrace our own sort of pre-season.

Enjoying the calm of the off season.

Enjoying the calm of the off season.

My pre-season consists of making certain our lives and those who visit us during the football season run most efficiently. First I must compare each family members’ commitments to our football schedule and then add in those who plan to visit us. Once all the intricacies have been looked at and evaluated, they are “sharpied” onto our family wall calendar. Next up, I make certain our home is in its best shape to handle the rigors of the grueling season ahead. That means tidied, cleaned and organized. I, of course, also set aside time to tweak my own “playbook.” Meals which only mustered a few yards are eliminated and replaced with recipes, if executed properly, that will hopefully get me at least a first down! Each game I must also determine whether to implement man v. zone coverage. If you have ever been responsible for getting others to and from a football game, you understand how challenging and serious this selection is. These days with our children living their own adult lives, often times I must opt for zone coverage, a technique whereby I cover the movements and whereabouts of all our guests at one time. But if any of our children are in attendance, then it’s man-on-man; each of us responsible for only one guest.

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Last week someone in the neighborhood asked me how my husband was and how he felt pre-season was going. “Good,” I replied. “I know he loves being back with his guys. Basically they study the playbook in their meetings and then practice what they’ve learned on the field. You know, practice until they get it right.” That’s when it hit me—that’s exactly what I do. I was quickly reminded of a scrimmage a few weeks ago. I couldn’t find my “stadium approved bag," so my pockets were bulging with sharpies, lip gloss, car keys and a credit card. I had forgotten cash, sunscreen and aspirin! In other words, had those sports reporters been watching my pre-season performance they’d have most certainly been calling for my head.

So you see, it seems everyone can benefit from pre-season practices to get things right. The opportunity to correct mistakes. Time for practice and mastering your skill to make things perfect. A chance for something that was once uncertain and uncomfortable to become a part of who you are.

Moral: “It’s not the will to win, but the will to prepare to win that makes the difference.” Bear Bryant, legendary football coach at the University of Alabama

with football love, 

A little thing I wish to all my football friends near and far: May your families visit often. May new friends fill the immense void of those left behind. May positive fans silence the negative ones. And may your season be filled with more wins than losses.

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Role Reversal

If you don’t know my daughter, trust me when I tell you she’s pretty spectacular. So when her Spring Break 2017 plans fell through with girlfriends and she asked me if we could go somewhere together my heart nearly burst with happiness. “Come on, it’ll be so much fun to hang out together mom!” Of course I was aware I was second fiddle, but tell me a struggling empty-nesting mom who wouldn’t jump at the chance to vacation with their daughter!

She researched potential destinations with a fervor I hoped she utilized at college and determined Antigua was a perfect location for a mother-daughter Spring Break. Affordable non-stop flight, gorgeous beaches and all the beautiful pictures we could take. After all, if it isn’t photographed, then it didn’t happen, right? 

Well it happened alright! Other than a five-hour flight delay, our week in Antigua was absolutely delightful. Each morning we started our day with our very own pot of freshly brewed coffee and a personally prepared breakfast. The hours we spent at the infinity pool atop a mountainous resort were peaceful, breathtaking and filled with endless hummingbirds flitting from flower to flower. It was surreal.

Saw millions of hummingbirds but only few captured with my iPhone.

Saw millions of hummingbirds but only few captured with my iPhone.

Her research secured us a boat ride to a private beach where we shelled, hiked, bird watched and kayaked through mangroves. But the “piece de resistance” was the day we lounged on a canopied daybed perched alongside the turquoise ocean for an entire day. It was so peaceful in fact I determined this must be what my heaven will be like.

Lunch at Sheer Rocks.

Lunch at Sheer Rocks.

As wonderful as the activities and accommodations were, I knew the most treasured part of this trip would always be this uninterrupted time with my daughter. There were no friends, televisions, classes, jobs and limited wifi … in other words, mostly just us.

In an open-aired Jeep on our way to the beach.

In an open-aired Jeep on our way to the beach.

We were inseparable, just as it used to be. Yet, this trip was very different. I no longer had to hold her hand in the airport, pack her suitcase or carefully watch her by the pool. She was not on my hip or in a highchair at dinner but sitting across from me sharing laughs and a drink. That baby girl was the one who grabbed my hand to get me across the street safely. She planned the trip, packed the travel snacks, sunscreen and downloaded the final episodes of Gilmore Girls for us to watch on the plane. 

Waiting out our flight delay with an episode of Gilmore Girls.

Waiting out our flight delay with an episode of Gilmore Girls.

I am not sure when she became a woman, but she sure has. I watched her communicate with strangers and navigate an island we had never been to before. Somehow the line between mother and daughter smudged, as she was doing more of the handling and I was doing more of the following. As comforting as it was seeing her be so successfully independent, my heart cracked a tiny bit.  My role as her mom was changing—for me, a sign of things to come.

Just a few weeks later I went to visit my mom in Florida while I was in town for an author event. We were both looking so forward to spending time together alone, something our lives just didn’t allow us to do much of anymore. We shopped, sat by the pool, chatted endlessly without interruption, watched our favorite television show together and shared dinners. At some point during those five days I caught myself placing my arm around her shoulder as we were walking through the parking lot. I was immediately reminded of how my daughter grabbed my hand. 

And there it was … a moment I’m so grateful did not slip right past me. The parallels were strikingly similar. My role as daughter was changing too. I help my mom not because she is incapable, but because of my love for her. Her role as my mom will never be in jeopardy, it just changes.

Moral: Consider yourself fortunate to experience time marching by, because it means you have time.

A few little things if you are contemplating a trip to Antigua: Sugar Ridge was our hotel, Antigua Paddles was the company we chose for our boating excursion and our day in heaven was spent at Sheer Rocks. Feel free to send questions our way.

Onward and Upward

This past weekend we traveled to watch our son graduate from the University of Alabama. As our plane barreled down the runway for take-off so too did my mind. Where has the time gone? How am I old enough to have a child who is about to graduate college? When did that little boy getting on the big yellow school bus become a young man? Where will his diploma lead him? What is next for his life? STOP! Get hold of yourself Allison, have you forgotten he’s a football kid. 

Football Kid: noun. A child whose father’s football coaching career often means relocating the family many, many times.

Father and son celebrating after a big football win!

Father and son celebrating after a big football win!

Yes, football kids may struggle when you ask them where “home” is, but their foundation is rock solid. As a football mom you may think me jaded, but I am steadfast in knowing football kids adapt to new environments, comfortably carry on conversations with complete strangers, are incredibly friendly, uniquely empathetic, have an innate ability to maneuver any new city with ease, and usually eager to try new activities and cuisine. They fully understand the importance of a good handshake, eye contact, a handwritten note and sportsmanship. They can work a room, read people, disregard naysayers, take the high road and see the glass half full. Skills learned before they took their first step.

When it comes to friendships they are careful to find a person who is genuine and can be trusted to stand by their side when there is more losing than winning. Those friendships are respected, treasured and often survive no matter how far away the next move takes them.

Hockey teammates in 2004

Hockey teammates in 2004

Four state moves later and still friends in 2017

Four state moves later and still friends in 2017

Football kids take their cue from their parents, understanding you are either the “welcomer” or “welcomee”. Hence, the bond amongst football kids and their families is a tight one. They don’t think twice when the name on their emergency form is another football kid’s mom who they hardly know, but innately trust. They know what it’s like to step onto a school bus full of kids who’ve known each other all their life or to eat alone in the lunchroom. “I know what you’re going though; I’ll be your friend and I’ve got your back”, should be their creed.

That scary first day of school!

That scary first day of school!

So for us this trip is sort of a twofer; we get to see our son graduate and “go back home!”. As many football families do, when moving from job to job, often times a kid is left behind. It’s not that we forgot to pack ‘em up, it’s just they've chosen to stay back and begin their own life right there. In our case, we moved to Philadelphia and our son stayed for college, which was far from a comfortable scenario for us. Knowing we had football family and true friends in town made it so I could close my eyes at night and sleep, sort of.

As a football family mom I’ve always felt rather guilty about moving our kids so much. Worried they would never feel they had a childhood “home.” Sad they wouldn’t have a neighborhood of people who could share tales about watching them grow up. But I have learned when football people and those trusted friends do gather back up after many years; wives hug, husbands share tales, years melt away and “kids” reminisce about their childhood days. Our kids may not have one neighborhood who watched them grow up, they are blessed with many. 

So maybe there is no reason for me to panic after all. We‘ve given him the childhood, support and tools to confidently walk across that stage and receive his diploma. He will win some, he may lose some and he may have to move on some- but he has a slew of people all over the place cheering him on! You’ve got this Jake!

Proud mother and son moment!

Proud mother and son moment!

Moral: Distance only strengthens true friendships. 

with proud love, 

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A little thing you should know: Like a fox, football people have a keen sense.  We can walk into a crowded room and quickly sniff out a weasel or locate the good soul. Once we find a true person with a genuine kind heart who loves us for who we are and not our football ticket hookup, those are the ones that always have a home in our heart.

Shake my head

I live by the philosophy that if I have nothing nice to say … I say nothing. This clearly does not apply to my head shake. Look up head shake in the dictionary, you’ll likely find a picture of me shaking my head left to right. I do it a lot, so as not to allow my truly honest and sometimes judgmental thoughts to slip out.

Being somewhat of a neurotic traveler I arrive at the airport with plenty of time for boarding and people watching. Nowadays I just see tops of heads looking down at their electronic device. Gone are the days of friendly dialogue with a stranger. You’ll never know if you and that stranger have a person or place in common. No chance of a stranger sharing a thought or story with you that might change the course of your life. Shake my head.

Speaking of airports, how about those people who just stop walking, right in the middle of the terminal. Rolling bags just come to a screeching halt! Is it time to have traffic lights for the walkways in all terminals? Have some awareness and respect for your fellow travelers, most of whom are looking down at their device and unaware they are about to walk straight into your backside. Shake my head.

So I can’t be called a gym rat by any stretch, but I sure am going a whole bunch more these days. I am amazed at the number of cars that jockey, rush, beep and circle for the closest spots. Or the people who get so annoyed that the automatic door openers are not working. I mean, aren’t we going to the gym to exercise? Shake my head.

Yes that’s bad, but it’s “the talk” that really does me in. If anyone is looking for a coach, it seems there is an endless supply at my gym who believe they are more than qualified. But one “gentlemen” in particular always seems to be within my earshot. It’s an evil combination—loud voice combined with an obsession to hear himself speak. But sir, I don’t care who should have been drafted, the play you would have called or any other bunk that spews from your mouth. Thanks to you not only do I have whiplash, but may be hard of hearing soon from upping the volume on my earbuds just to drown you out! Shake my head.

Speaking of strangers, I will never forget the time my kids and I were outside our Michigan home and a “person” tossed a pretty full cup of soda out their truck window. My kids mouths hung open and turned to me. As luck would have it the truck pulled into a neighbor’s driveway, so I went to work. I carefully picked up the cup and walked towards the truck. “Excuse me, I believe this dropped from your car. [LONG DRAMATIC PAUSE] I thought you might want your drink back.” He looked at me baffled and slowly said “Thank you?” I turned with a smile and strutted back towards my kids whose mouths were still hung open! Shake my head.

I was taught one should always pick up after themselves, and their pets. Many winters ago the snow melted and beside my mailbox was an entire winter’s worth of someone else’s dog poop uncovered. It was beyond disgusting, but had to be handled so my young children didn’t happen into it. So I plugged my nose, donned rubber gloves, picked up three full grocery bags of  &^%$ and devised a plan. I drove a stake in the same spot, tied the bags to it with a sign that read, “FOUND: SOMEONE ELSE’S DOG POOP!” My husband thought it would end up on our front step on fire, but miraculously no drama … those bags vanished within an hour. Shake my head.

Yeah, I’ve never been a fan of real life drama, but do appreciate a gripping television show. Yesterday a few of my friends were discussing the most recent storyline of their favorite television drama and how it felt a bit hokey. I chimed in “It’s television girls!” Then it occurred to me; television dramas seem more realistic these days than reality television does.  And if I very carefully go one step further; it seems our nightly news shows seem a bit more reality TV than factual reporting. Shake my head.

Your head-shaking friend,

A little thing I do: I refuse to eat cookies these days because of their high calorie count but will inhale an entire bag of chocolate rice cakes. Shake my head.

A friend never to be forgotten

This past summer I traveled solo for a wedding in Lawrence, Kansas. Fully expecting gals in blue gingham dresses, tumbleweeds and tornadic weather, I was pleasantly surprised to find beautiful blue skies, delicious food and a super cool downtown. Of course a schooled coach's wife must visit the local college campus, ‘cause one never knows, right? The Jayhawks campus was spectacular too; a beautiful mix of old and new architecture with endless green space. Seriously, who knew?

This was a wedding I just knew I could not miss since the groom’s mother was one of my very dearest friends. I first “met” her over the phone soon after I got engaged to my football coaching husband. He handed me the phone and said, “You’ll just love her!” I will never forget many things she said to me over the course of our friendship, including our first conversation, “You DO know Allison, being married to a football coach takes a strong and independent woman. You will be alone a lot, but you will always have me.” I knew her all of four minutes and already she promised me her lifetime of alliance and support. Between you and me, I thought she was half crazy! Who does that? Why was her husband never home? Must be she was a bad wife or something? 

It wasn’t until much later in our friendship I shared those very thoughts with her. I can still hear her loud, hysterical laughter 26 years later. I miss that laugh and her lifetime of promised support. I just really miss her. After an incredibly brave and long fight with breast cancer, she left us and in her place is a mighty void. During those final weeks she shared one of her deepest fears with me—that she would be forgotten. We cried and I promised her that was never going to happen. It simply was not an option.

Me stealing a moment with my friend!

Me stealing a moment with my friend!

I’ve clearly kept my promise because I still cry when I think of her. As her football coaching son’s wedding approached I could not shake how sad I was she would not help handle all the planning, be there to dance with her son or share words of wisdom with her new daughter-in-law. So I decided that I would tuck her in my heart as my “plus-one.” After all, it was she who said, “I would never be alone.” Her presence would make me stronger, less prone to tearful outbursts.  But then her son and his fiancee asked me to be a part of their ceremonial Seven Blessings*, and the tears began.

*Seven Blessings

An adaptation of a Jewish tradition from ancient teachings. The couple pairs seven chosen people with seven words they love. These people have about one minute during the ceremony to share their thoughts and wishes with the couple pertaining to their word. 

My word was kindness. This sweet couple not only gift-wrapped the perfect word for me but the chance to keep a promise to my dear friend. It was her single act of kindness so many years ago that created a friendship capable of surviving countless moves, states, time zones and teams. This was my chance to share this story and reassure his new bride that though she will be alone a lot, she will always have me! After all, we are now football family.

Me stealing a moment with the groom!

Me stealing a moment with the groom!

As you might expect, their wedding weekend was filled with tears of all kinds. Their ceremony and the Seven Blessings were emotional, heartfelt, truthful, genuine and from the deepest part of each person’s heart. Not sure if it was that, in conjunction with the setting, food and unseasonably warm weather but though my friend was nowhere to be seen, she was far from forgotten.

with kindness,

A little thing you should know: At a football family wedding, six degrees of separation is more like two degrees. I saw people we’ve rivaled and others we’ve coached alongside. I hugged old friends, then turned around and hugged brand new ones. Every one of these people are my extended football family. We are one. We understand. We “get" our lifestyle. They “got” exactly why I was solo! We all appreciate how uncertain our life can be. But that day, we were all on the same team; celebrating, cheering, supporting and remembering.

If you need a place to make a donation to help find a cure for cancer so it stops stealing our loved ones from us … It's with kindness that I share this link to my daughter’s Relay for Life team page at college!

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLCY17EC?px=36771236&pg=personal&fr_id=79859

 

Call me Roomba

Roomba: (noun); A robotic vacuum cleaner

Yup, that is correct, I unknowingly vacuumed up or ate just about anything edible in my path in a robotic-like manner. For some time I believed there was a ghost in my home. Empty bags of chips were found in the trash and sleeves of crackers suddenly empty. That sneaky ghost would demolish a block of cheese without me even knowing. Once, I purchased a pretty big bag of dark chocolate coconut bark (because we all know dark chocolate is healthy) and that damn ghost ate the entire bag. As it turns out, no ghost--it was me the whole time! Hence, call me Roomba.

Of course I should have seen this coming. “Should" being the operative word. Now it is like I am rewatching my home movie in slow motion. First my jeans were tight. After making certain they were not my daughter’s, I then assumed I must have accidentally run them through the dryer. Some time after, I began avoiding pictures. Even an appointment with my friend/hair stylist didn’t fix that! The final straw came when my go-to baggy comfy sweats were, well, let’s just say they were NO LONGER COMFY! No I didn’t need a scale. I knew what had happened … I had been roomba-ing!

Roomab-ing: (verb); To walk through life inhaling or consuming food without any awareness or concern of consequences.

This realization made me so sad. But being sad and or depressed always comes with a sense of woe is me. You feel entitled to those feelings and others empathize with you. BUT when it occurs to you that it was you wreaking havoc on yourself, you are responsible for your own sadness. That my friends is what they call a game-changer. I did this to my own self. I, me … the gal who is supposed to be on my side. My friend, my true confidante. The person who knows all my most inner-secrets. The one who knows how much I wanted to fit into that pair of jeans in the back of my closet. How could she?

It’s more like; HOW COULD I? Yes, my 53-year-old body did give birth to two amazing, wonderful children. Yes, I spent the good part of last year keeping my dying dog company. I chose to sit on the couch beside him and not go to the gym. I determined that somehow copious amounts of cheese was a way better option than a sleeve of Oreos. Globs of peanut butter on a banana was a perfectly healthy mid-morning snack! I finagled my way into believing all was okay while I was undermining my very own fitness and health. I am to blame.

During that time the things I heard in my head about me were downright brutal and mean. I was bullying my own self and just sitting by and watching. “You are so weak you can’t even manage to drink 2 lousy glasses of water a day.” “How pathetic that you make excuses that you must clean the house instead of going to the gym.” Such a heartbreaking realization for a gal who travels to schools across our country speaking about the despicability of bullying. I was not just a bully but a hypocrite too!!! How could I implore children to be kind to each other when I couldn’t even be nice to myself?

That did it. It was time to stand up to this bully in my head, so I crafted a plan. First I unplugged my Roomba and downloaded a FREE APP on my phone to help track the food I thoughtfully put into my body! Who knew my peanut butter smothered banana was 409 calories? I knew I needed support so along with my gym buddies I also have a small texting friend group. We not only hold each other accountable but send inspiring messages, bits of humor and updates on our REAL LIFE daily struggles and dreams. Of course this plan included the gym again … and not just my beloved Barre class, but new classes and cardio too.

full plate app.jpg

As my bad choices turned to good choices so too did the voice in my head. She was kinder, positive, encouraging and helped me realize that it just might be better if I invest in a trainer rather than a new wardrobe each time my comfy clothes don’t fit. She’s a smart girl that one!

Moral: The best investment one can make is in themselves--the dividends are endless.

Your honest friend,
 

A little thing I do: When workouts get tough and I feel I can’t go another second, instead of counting I spell the name of someone I love who has inspired me. If they were able to be so brave and overcome such adversity who am I to struggle. You should try it… helps me every single time!

Overflowing with pride

All week … well maybe not all week, I pondered what to blog about. A few good options, but nothing got my juices flowing. Sunday morning rolled around and still nothing. So I decided to pay a few bills. The water bill seemed quite high so I wasted 25 minutes on hold to speak to a real live human on the phone. Within the first few seconds of her answering my call she said, “Yup, sounds like you have a leak.” That’s when the lightbulb went off in my head. I remembered the toilet had been running on and off lately so we would jiggle the handle after each flush.

Now instead of leisurely blogging I was wrangling with plumbing woes. Calling my favorite plumber on a Sunday morning meant a hefty emergency fee tacked on top of the actual repair, and that just goes against my grain. So I donned my big girl panties. Not just for bravery, but they also guaranteed a not so “plumberesque” look! Once I was elbow deep in a tank of clean toilet water and saw the rubber disc at the bottom of the tank was getting caught up on itself, I surmised it was unable to do it’s job. That’s when for the first time in my life I related to a toilet. How? Too many times I just cannot get out of my own way, becoming my own worst enemy. It sometimes helps to takes a deep breath, have a bit of a timeout or share a glass of wine with a friend and I’m good as new. Overflowing with empathy for my toilet, I set out to make this right.

I am fascinated with hardware stores. You’ll find me wandering around the aisles holding items and staring into space brainstorming other uses for them. For example: I found a short roll of paint paper for $2.18 that morphed into my memo board.

A radiator metal cover got a coat of spray paint and became a magnetic board.

This happens at flea markets too. I fell in love with an old chicken feeder for $15.00 and it is my dining room centerpiece … for now.

So back to plumbing … I learned the rubber disc I was replacing is a flapper, which made me giggle. All I could visualize was this disc in a short glittery dress not able to dance. So I appropriately chose a water conscience flapper for $5.59 and rushed it home. It took me all of ten minutes to switch out the flappers only to realize the toilet was still running. Disappointed and frustrated I took to the internet to find the cause. It is one of the things I do love about the internet. After a handful of do-it-yourself youtube videos I was off again. This time though I picked up a Toilet Fill Valve & Flapper Kit for a mere $13.98! 

So long and short, I fixed my running toilet ALL BY MYSELF. I not only saved money (which is always a plus) but I am proud I took care of business and accomplished a task I had never done before. Most of all I was tickled pink I got out of my own way long enough to learn something new, which I then repurposed into this week’s blog. Yay me!

Moral: Empowerment is a very liberating and quite possibly addicting well.

Your plumber friend,

A little thing you should know: I am simply sick, sad and tired about the endless negativity in the news. When I’m sick I take medicine, when I’m sad I am kind. Not because I am wonderful, but because it makes me feel better.  My first dose of kindness occurred yesterday towards a local Elementary School and yup, it’s just what the doctor ordered!

Time to move forward

The onset of 2017 coupled with life marching by has finally gotten me back to blogging. Not that I am counting or anything, but more than two entire months have passed since I plopped down at my computer to share my random thoughts, words and views with you.

I always believed up until now I was the kind of writer who was emotionally inspired. One who wrote to understand, grapple with, contemplate life and the world around me. Yet, it seems when it comes to very strong emotions, I am rendered wordless. This misdiagnosis should not come as a surprise to me as it is not a new thing. Not many years ago I was so certain I was lactose intolerant I went without dairy for years. As it turns out, the reason I was feeling sick after each bowl of cereal was not due to milk, but an apparent sensitivity to wheat. Who knew? Maybe it’s time I leave the diagnosing to the professionals?

My heightened emotions of the last few months stem from the loss of our family dog, Cornell, to Cancer. Even writing this makes me fight back tears. He was so intricately woven into our family fabric that the empty hole was overwhelming to stitch up. Our family was broken, sad and apparently not very good at hiding our emotions. Even the people at my husband’s office were aware. You may recall my husband is a coach for the Philadelphia Eagles, which makes us a football family. A family whose lives revolve around a football schedule and the win-loss column. A family who struggles to place everything on hold until the season comes to an end, including the death of a family pup. So our plan was to get through the football season and then figure out life.

Apparently, others had a different plan, and by others I mean my husband’s entire stable of offensive linemen. After a position meeting a few weeks ago they placed a crate on his desk and said, “Hope this helps put your family back together, Coach. Merry Christmas!” Inside that cage was a 3.5-month-old Shi-poo puppy. Yes, you read that right, a dog! Not only did they all chip in and buy us a dog, but a dog that modestly resembled our beloved Cornell. They researched for weeks, located a breeder, picked him out and cared for him until our children were home from college. And with that kind-hearted and sentimental gift we became a family of five again.

picture thanks to "Aunkie"

picture thanks to "Aunkie"

I know what you are thinking, as we had those exact thoughts. “How could you give us a dog?” “Who does that?” “Is this some kind of a White Elephant gift exchange?” However that was quickly followed with the overwhelming awareness of how much these linemen must love Jeff and our family to give us this puppy. We knew saying, “Thanks, but no thanks!” would never cross our lips.

Our family was not only unprepared, but stunned. I was not ready to love again. I was still looking in my rear-view mirror. I was embracing the sadness, succumbing to tears and reliving all the memories. The idea of caring for a new dog made me feel like a traitor. The struggle for our family was not going to be potty training but embracing this adorable puppy and therefore becoming vulnerable again. But once we agreed upon the name OL-iver, a nod to the big OL guys who gave him to us, our home began to fill back up with happiness. Now our home has gates, pee-stained rugs, toys scattered about and a little four-legged friend who is trying his darndest to help us ‘look” forward.

Where's OL-iver? A black furry friend is very challenging to take proper pictures of!

Where's OL-iver? A black furry friend is very challenging to take proper pictures of!

Moral: “Time heals nothing unless you move along with it.” Rachel Wochin

Your forward-focused friend,


A little thing you should know: College football season has ended. NFL season has less than one month left so the transitional season continues. Every team is comprised of the obvious players and coaches. But lest not forget the administration, front office, travel, press, social media, equipment, nutrition, trainers and medical personnel. Each one of those people have a family of some kind. Those families experience food, home, clothes, education and a comfortable life in part due to working for that team. They all carefully watch the win-loss column, as that is the line in the sand for most football families. I send congratulations and or empathy to those who find themselves too close to that line.

Dear Cornell...

Where are you? I walk in circles aimlessly around our house, searching for you. I spot signs of you everywhere. Your unfinished Dingo bones are scattered about the house. I see your water glass on the coaster beside the couch. Your endless supply of blankets to snuggle up in are at all your happy spots. Your medicine is lined up on the counter. Your treat jar is full. Your leash waits by the front door along with your red plaid lumber jacket. But you, my sweet boy, are nowhere to be found.

Yup, he really drank ice water from a glass.

Yup, he really drank ice water from a glass.

I drink my morning coffee alone now. I sit here blogging without you nestled up beside me. I’ve been going to sleep much too late since you’re not here begging me to go upstairs. I leave the house with no one to say, “I promise I’ll be right back.” I can stay out for hours now because there is no you for me to take care of.

Remember the Empty Nest fiasco? How you listened to me, followed me around the house while I struggled to keep myself busy? And when I finally sat down you saddled up beside me and placed your head on my lap? Well I owe you an apology buddy. Our home was not empty. Not even close. You were home with me.  Now our home is empty—or at least feels that way. No one to care for, comfort, feed, look after on a day-to-day basis. My goodness Cornell, please tell me you did not get sick to fill my void? That couldn't be, right?

It’s just I feel so lost without you. This house we both loved so is now filled with a deafening silence way too much of the time. My heavy heart feels it could just free fall to the ground. I cry everywhere and at the most unexpected times and you know firsthand what an ugly crier I am. For a quiet little guy often mistaken for a stuffed animal with a pulse, your passing has left an immense empty hole in our lives.

cornell in kitchen.JPG

But don’t worry, Cornell. Everyone knows time does in fact heal. I really don’t want to hear that right now, but I know it is true. It’s just that right now time is a tricky deal. When you were diagnosed we prayed for time. Multiple times a day we took medicine to manage your illness and comfort. Two to three hours of time was about your max before we needed to get outside. Morning was your neediest time so we stopped going to the gym. This last year you and I have been pretty much inseparable. You traveled like a champ to Florida, Maine, your sister’s college, NY City, Upstate New York and weekends at the Jersey Shore. You enjoyed our outings to BJ’s, Lowes, JoAnn Fabrics and Michaels too. And if circumstances were such that I had to leave you at home there were ALWAYS people who loved you and eagerly stepped in to spend time taking care of you. You lived life—and we lived it with you.

Our last trip to BJ's together!

Our last trip to BJ's together!

You were the most loving and gentle dog, Cornell, which makes it so fitting that kindnesses keep pouring in. Calls, texts, gifts, flowers, Relay for Life donations in your memory, visits, hugs and homemade cookies have not stopped for days from all our friends; near and far. Even the man at the car place delivered our fixed car to our home so I did not have to face the world just yet. It’s so clear you are loved due to the long list of endearing nicknames people gave you. And I don’t know of many dogs who have their own Instagram account @cornellthedog!

Cornell's many pet names!

Cornell's many pet names!

Sometimes when I cry I think myself so foolish that I have been reduced to rubble because you were after all, “just our dog.” I think of friends who have lost children, husbands and parents and I feel at times like I’m overreacting. I am aware there is deeper sadness than this in our world, but in our world you were family, and in many ways, the best kind of family. You were our unconditional love. Both giving and receiving. You were a therapist, best friend, confidant and companion. You never judged our crazy, but instead just sat quietly by and supported us. Let’s not forget every single move our football family made. You were always there to soften the transition by making our new home feel instantly normal by your presence. And you were a big reason why we were always able to quickly make new friends on the other side.

The other side—that is where you are now. A side that is much too far away from us. You will forever be missed, eternally loved and respectfully treasured.

Moral: Although sick, Cornell lived life to the fullest every day. There is a quote that says, “Live for today, because tomorrow is promised to no one.” The last few months included a lot of “living for today” for which we are grateful.

With a broken heart,

A little thing you should know Cornell: Remember when dad came home late from work you always ran out to greet him and peed on the lawn right beside his parked car? Well a few nights ago for the first time ever, Dad pulled into the driveway and a deer was waiting for him in that very same spot just looking into the window of our home. So grateful for the sign buddy...

Thanks Julie for the perfect pillow for our perfect guy!

Thanks Julie for the perfect pillow for our perfect guy!

"Leave" your mark

Fall is my most absolute favorite season hands down. The time of year when the temperature starts to dip and boots, sweaters and scarves break out of the closet. The days get shorter. The smell of fireplaces is in the air. Front porches fill with pumpkins as store shelves fill with candy. And of course, football is in full swing.

I spend hours digging holes for bulbs and mums. Our front porch urns get “Autumned” with mums, grasses, pumpkins and Halloween twinkle lights. Scarecrow takes his rightful place beside the red wagon that hauled our kids and candy loot many Halloweens ago. Now that retired wagon full of pumpkins and mums parked in our garden reminds me how times have changed!

Admiring leaves is another one of my very favorite fall pastimes. Yup, I am the one who pulls off the road to take yet another photo of an amazing sugar maple tree. I am oddly fascinated by trees and their leaves. Long gray winters come to an end the moment tiny bright green leaves show themselves. Soon those leaves are the supporting cast for a multitude of flowers, petals and aromas. As the summer gets into full swing, full grown leaves offer us shade protection so we can picnic, nap and read under their canopy. As fall arrives leaf peepers jump in cars across the USA to witness the leaves grand finale of breathtakingly beautiful colors.

The gorgeous tree just around the corner from my house! Compliments of my neighbor friends Alison and Bill!

The gorgeous tree just around the corner from my house! Compliments of my neighbor friends Alison and Bill!

But raking those beauties is not a job for the faint of heart, especially a person like myself who feels they might struggle with a slight case of OCD. I remember the moment well, as it was a Monday. Not just any Monday—it was a winning Monday. In the football world that translates to the Monday after your team wins their game. Everything is easier on a winning Monday. With my free winning cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee in my hand I began the task of collecting the leaves. I was whistling, singing tunes, filling bags and making headway. Before I knew it the sun was beginning to set and a chill was filling the air. As I turned to collect my tools I noticed the front yard I just spent five hours clearing was already freshly coated with a new layer of leaves.

As I caught myself frantically picking up the freshly fallen leaves one by one it dawned on me. I’ve been here before, sort of. This was so reminiscent of so many other times in my life. I was transported back to those days when my children were young and I attempted to keep our home clean. Or how there was always one more load of laundry, a room to clean or homework assignment to help complete. I stood up in my driveway, stepped away from the leaves and determined there are always going to be days when there will be more leaves to place in your bucket.

It’s those times you need to find perspective and unfortunately I did not need to look too far. Just a couple of weeks ago my neighborhood friend passed away from Brain Cancer. As I sat at his beautiful service amongst his family and friends it was very clear he left this life too soon. He was a kind-hearted, unselfish and happy person. His story was a woeful reminder that any minute our lives can change and we should do our very best to live each day to it’s fullest potential.

So, I am taking a page from my friend and a leaf. I will brighten this world by showing up and being present. I shall support and protect those who live amongst me. I will attempt each day to grow to be my best self.

Moral: When it’s my time to “leave,” may there be a few memories of myself worthy of collecting.

your friend,

 

A little thing I got my daughter to do for me: If you know anything about me, it’s my love of words. They don every wall, room and mantle in our home. Heck, even our driveway at times has chalked words all over it. This time of year the pumpkins get in on the action too!  

Thanks Madi for your mad calligraphy skills!

Thanks Madi for your mad calligraphy skills!

Sometimes Life Just Sucks

“Mom, you sugar-coat things a lot!”

“Well yes, I’m a baker and that’s what we do!”

“No, I mean you really never get down and dirty about the honest ugly truth sometimes.”

“OH…”

As you can imagine I simmered that comment over and over like apples in a crockpot. Just when I had decided is was neither a bad or good thing, I heard our most recent houseguests say, “There’s a lot of pressure in Allison’s house to be nice!” Now this one had me stewing. What did this all mean? I walked around my home and found so many little signs, quotes, notes, chalkboards about being kind, appreciating the day, loving your life, respecting yourself, believing in yourself, make it a great day… yeah I see it now. So maybe it is a “thing” after all?

Alright, so I like positive words around my home....

Alright, so I like positive words around my home....

Maybe it’s my kindergarten teacher background. As far back as I can remember positive thinking has always been my default attitude. So what if I prefer my glass half full. Yes I rocked a pair of rose colored glasses back in my younger days! And I’ve always thought being called Pollyanna was a compliment too. Well, the world may be shocked to hear this but NEWS FLASH PEOPLE: I am well aware of bad things. I have a young neighbor friend who is in Hospice with brain cancer. I’ve had a miscarriage. My dad has Parkinson’s and is about to move into an assisted living home. Another very dear family member has been struggling with illness for way too many months. My dog has inoperable bladder cancer. Most of my time is spent alone. Yeah, I know life can suck. I get it. 

Getting snuggles in with my sweet boy...

Getting snuggles in with my sweet boy...

But it doesn't help me if I wallow in my sorrow, pity and sadness. I prefer to paint my life in a positive hue. Negativity has never helped me get through my muck. I’m not oblivious, but yeah, I sugar-coat. I sprinkle my world with positivity and kindheartedness. I look to help others. I volunteer my time. I smile at people who pass me on the street. I feed the birds. I let people merge in front of me on the crowded highway. I bring Ring Pops for all the football family children on game days. I mail handwritten notes. I leave cold water bottles for the garbage and recycling people. I search high and low for a silver lining. I do all this so my heart fills with happiness and drowns out the sadness.

Brooke and I volunteered at MANNA of Philadelphia decorating birthday cakes for people who are homebound.

Brooke and I volunteered at MANNA of Philadelphia decorating birthday cakes for people who are homebound.

A professional psychiatrist might refer to it as a coping mechanism or denial. Regardless, I have adapted a technique that allows me the ability to deal with sad thoughts. This practice keeps the gray out of my day and allows me to reach out and embrace things like sunrises, freshly fallen acorns and rainbows. Call it the science of Allison. Call it whatever you like but I’m going to keep it up. It keeps me moving forward and getting out of bed. It places sadness on my back burner, leaving room for happiness to warm on the front ones.

Moral: Do what you must to make it through your day, it’s your day after all!

your sugar-coated friend,

A little thing about Rosh Hashanah: It’s the Jewish New Year holiday celebration. It is tradition to dip apples in honey to ensure a sweet New Year. With every apple slice dipped in honey I have either a request, prayer or conversation with God. This year I sliced my apples really thin because my list is really, really long. As I nibbled and dipped I both cried and smiled. After I was done I placed the apple core, a few orange rinds and one stick of cinnamon on the front burner to simmer. Just like that my home slowly filled with the smell of fall happiness. Wishing a Happy New Year to my friends who celebrate!

A sincere thank you for this gorgeous bottle of delicious home-crafted honey from my FIPP friends!

A sincere thank you for this gorgeous bottle of delicious home-crafted honey from my FIPP friends!

 

 

Growing up things

Just the other day I found out my father is moving again. Not out of the norm for a man who never stayed put for too long. Every time Dad moved he was always eager to show his new home off to us and us off to his new friends. Each summer my sister and I would spend a week or two enjoying his new world which included lots of fun trips and food of course. So yes, you guessed it, my parents are divorced. Thanks to his propensity for movement my family tree includes a few extra branches; an “Ex-stepmom”, current step-mom, two half-brothers and a half sister-in-law. It may sound unbelievable to you, but I consider my life happier and richer with these five extra people in it! 

A picture taken of us during our Annual Sibling Weekend!

A picture taken of us during our Annual Sibling Weekend!

What I recall most about those Dad visits were my feelings. I was filled with anticipation, excitement, happiness and that damned dread. Before our trip began I would think ahead to when our trip would be over and our father would drive us to the airport. I can recall pretending to be carefree and lighthearted while dread set my throat and eyes on fire. These are the memories and reasons why I still to this day despise goodbyes. 

This latest move of Dads is quite different though. You can call it assisted living or a senior citizen’s home but I grew up calling it an Old Folks home. A place you go when you are of a certain age/health and need help getting through your day. My Dad was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease many years ago. We have watched the disease very slowly but methodically deplete his mobility and cognitive skills. He and his wife have determined that his time living in their home is soon coming to an end.  As my dad always has, he described his new world with excitement. He seems happy to have found a room with a few trees outside his window for his bird feeders. “When you visit I will show you around.”And I expect he will also show us off to his new friends and maybe we’ll even have a bite to eat. (So as much as things change, deep down they are very much the same.) 

This latest change had me wondering what my take-away was? What constructive action will emerge from this? Well for one, I booked a trip. Not just to visit my dad, but my mom as well. Why? It’s really simple… because every time my mom and I speak about a trip there are always a bunch of reasonable reasons why it just can’t fit in right now. It’s either a football game, kids coming home from college, friends visiting from out of town or my sick dog…. but then I got the call about Dad and I booked a maiden voyage flight for me and Cornell. 

Cornell misunderstood the concept of packing.

Cornell misunderstood the concept of packing.

Once again a trip filled me with anticipation, excitement, happiness and that damned dread. This time I dreaded the flight, TSA security and if he would have to go to the bathroom while in flight. We tried on pet carriers like outfits! For goodness sake I packed like he was a baby; wipes, poop bags, toys, snacks and his favorite blankie. But in the end, no one weighed him nor looked at the vet certificate. Heck, Im not even sure I was charged for his ticket. Yeah he peeded just outside of TSA security gate, but I wiped, disinfected and disposed of it before anyone saw. 

So I bid you adieu directly from my mom’s home in sunny Florida. Cornell and I are having a wonderful time here and as our trip comes to an end I can see dread peeking around the corner.

Moral: Things change; good things, bad things, old things and new things. No matter, if handled properly they are all growing up things.

with love from my growing up heart, 

 

 

Winning Matters

As much as I hear people say, “Winning doesn’t matter!”- it does. As a matter of fact it matters a whole bunch in our home. We are a football coach's home. Any home with a coach living in it will agree- when your family’s livelihood depends upon it- winning matters!

It is not so much about that winning glow- you know that haze of happiness that envelops everything as the last seconds tick off the clock. Immediately the stadium just seems friendlier. The drive home can be bumper to bumper traffic and nobody cares. There may be just a bag of stale chips for dinner and everyone is all smiles. The dog gets to be walked out front as opposed to being quietly let out back. My kids can attend their classes and not have to listen to the teacher and fellow students rant on and on!  As for me, well I have a pep in my step and a smile on my face. I can be assured that when I make eye contact with people I pass they will not shake their head in disgust and turn away. My car drives smoother. The sun shines brighter. The people living under my roof are happier. Oh my--even doing laundry is enjoyable. Like I said, a happy haze.

Basking in that happy haze!

Basking in that happy haze!

Explaining this phenomenon to “non-coaching family” humans can be a challenge--how the outcome of each game taints our lives. Sometimes I am comfortable enough to share true family facts with these folks that they would normally not be privy to. Like how hard it is to see my husband, who puts in seventeen hour days, lose a game. How difficult it is for our children to hear their father and team be verbally bashed on a playground or school bus. Or how much it hurts to listen to the guy at the gas station who notices my bumper sticker proceed to tell me how disgusted he is with the team’s performance and how “clearly” those coaches are not working hard enough.

After a wonderful victory!

After a wonderful victory!

Sure we coaches families can fake a smile as we pass you in the school pick up line. We have been known to even encourage a disgruntled fan while standing in line at the grocery store. So often everyone in our family makes the choice to take the high road when we “hear” things we would rather not. Just a few weeks ago my daughter called me from college “Mom, I almost got a nose bleed in class this morning. Not from sitting in the last row of my lecture hall but because I took such a high road!” 

But truth be told, the most exhausting part of losing for me is responding to people. Of course I avoid all news reporters and the like. We never get the local paper and my radio stays tuned to 70’s on 7. From the post office to the bank, people are everywhere! They are kind hearted people who find themselves in a pretty uncomfortable place. Just knowing they care enough to say they are sorry about the outcome of the game, means the world. They do their best, and it’s so appreciated- but you try having that conversation ten times a day. So, I chose to hunker down for all of us… and venture out a little bit at a time.

Ah but there are those others and here is what I wish I could just once be able to say to them:

Dopey #1: Hope the game plan this weekend is better than last weeks?

Allison: “Oh my bad, please give me your address and I’ll be sure to have my husband send a copy for your approval!”***

 

Doofus #2: Who will your starting quarterback be?

Allison: Hmm, that’s a good question. Let me ask my husband that question with the five minutes I see him each week and I’ll call you with the answer, sound good jack#%*?

 

Brainless #3: Why didn’t they run the ball more?

Allison: “Because they threw it! Oh, I had no idea you are blind-- I'm so sorry!”

 

Super fan 101: Tell your husband that he ruined my week.

Allison: Here is his number, I double dog dare you to call him directly!

 

So of course just as I would not say any of those things, nor would I turn around and tell those incredibly rude, loud outspoken "fans" sitting around me to kindly keep their mouths closed. Instead, I say nothing and begin my ascent…

Moral: If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all!

your “glowing” friend, 

A little story I love: There once was an over-served fan sitting just rows from the coaching families using inappropriately vulgar language about the coaches. After a bit, six-year-old Julianna somewhat forcefully turned towards the man and said, “Hey, that is my Daddy, Mr. Sassypants!” * Out of the mouths of babes.


*excerpt Cervino, BeeBee. Married to the Game. The American Football Coaches Wives Association, 2005.

Back to School and Blogging

It’s safe to say during our time apart I have been pretty busy. Not busy "like a one-armed paper hanger" or anything like that, just busy living life. I have honestly missed “us.” I didn't feel the loneliness in the beginning, kind of enjoyed the writing hiatus. It was becoming a bit of a struggle finding something to write about each week. But, when I caught myself writing inspirational messages on my hard boiled eggs, I knew it was time to blog again. So here we are!

My angel coin story is the perfect way to ease back into our blogging routine. Many years ago I purchased an angel coin for my sweet friend battling breast cancer who lived far from me. I told her that since I couldn't be with her she should keep this angel coin with her and know she was never alone. That coin was always, always with her.  Many years later when she accepted her time here was coming to an end, she gave me back the coin and said “I’ve loved having this angel coin Allison, but now it’s your turn to keep her.”  I too never went anywhere without her angel coin.

Hence began my mission to always have an angel coin handy when my path crossed someone in need. I was careful when doling out my dwindling stash of coins because I could not find a place to buy them anymore. Eventually I was just down to one give away and my special coin. About this same time I went into a local jewelry store as a customer and came out a part-time employee! They were friendly, wonderful, trustworthy, kind-hearted and in desperate need of help.

Early on in my employment one of their regular customers came into the store and it was clear she was struggling with cancer. I quickly ran back to my desk to retrieve my last give away angel and placed it in her hand. That night while closing up the shop, they asked me about the significance of the angel coin. That’s when they offered to make angel coins for me! Now not only are angel coins just a call away, but so are my dear jewelry store friends!

A week ago I found a friend in need, so I handed her my coin. I said, “A special angel is watching over you so you should never feel alone.” The look on the face of someone who receives an angel is worth triple the coin’s weight in gold.

A few days later I ran into my friend at our gym and she said she saw a woman in the locker room who was diagnosed with breast cancer. She wanted to give her angel coin to her but was afraid, since the coin had given her such strength and comfort. But in the end, she handed her coin over to the woman and said to me, “It felt so empowering, and so right giving my angel to her.” And so it continues…

Moral: Giving someone support is a gift that keeps giving!

A little thing you should know: My plan is to share my blog with you when I have something worthy to write about, so until then…

your friend always,

 

 

 

Miss me?

Hello my blog friends, I’ve missed you. It feels like months since I sat down with you. Part of me missed the brainstorming, writing, editing, publishing and connecting thing. Another part of me fully enjoyed the time off. I had no idea how much of my time I spent blogging. Now, before you think I’ve been sitting on a beach somewhere sipping some fruity drink ….

Remember a few weeks ago I told you how that magical Prid Drawing Salve helped remove a splinter of dried grass (yes grass) in my thumb? Well apparently that was only a little portion of it. Two weeks later the rest of it finally came to the surface. It may not look like a big deal to you, but it packed a powerful and painful punch!

You’ll also recall I was struggling to gather and turn in all our tax documents before the looming deadline. Pretty sure you’ll be proud to know I met the deadline with a few days to spare! As sometimes happens—the dread was worse than the actual activity. Afterwards I decided the only way to avoid this mess next tax season was to organize the heck out of it! It’s a proven fact that things color-coded, labeled and tidy will no longer be a problem, right?

Still, with some leftover free time I had blocked out for taxes I convinced myself that painting my wood paneled office would be a great time filler. For a couple of months I have felt my office was dark, dreary and sort of a difficult place for me to write. As always, my sister was eager to help me and so began endless days and nights of office transformation. Four 15-hour days to be exact. I guess I should have dreaded this painting job more than the tax return.

I will not bore you with details of an entire day of sanding and filling holes. Nor will you hear about the two full days we spent priming and painting miles of trim, baseboard, crown moulding, SIX doors and THREE windows ... or the last day spent painting three coats on the paneled walls!!! I chose Sherwin Williams Dover White with a semi-gloss white trim, because I always felt cream and white looked cozy yet crisp side by side. The change was so drastic from all the dark wood I worried it did not feel warm. I could probably hatch eggs in my office with all the brightness now. But as pictures are hung, furniture placed and that beautiful fern plant sits beside my couch, I can feel my office filling with “happy.”

So I am writing this blog at my old desk in my old office, but it all feels brand new to me. Best of all—I feel inspired. This space feels more like who I am, and a place I can start to focus on another dream I’ve had for a very long time. I am going back to story writing. Can’t promise a finished book or anything, but I intend to be working hard at it. I am very excited for this new challenge. So ... my blogs will post up when I have something worthy to write about and the time to share them with you. For those of you that have come to count on my Tuesday morning posts, don’t worry. If you need me, I am always just an email away: astoutland@aol.com!

Always your Tuesday friend,

Moral: Be like a fresh coat of paint-brighten a room when you enter it.

A little thing I’m obsessed with: My office not only had all wood paneling but twelve brass doorknobs. Not being a big fan of brass, I decided I would try to spray them with Rust-oleum Metallic Flat Burnished Amber since replacing them would be over $250.00! Spray painting was not only so easy, but so much fun it was difficult for me to stop! I was like an animal hunting its prey, and my next victims were my ten year old generic black stapler and tape dispenser. Seriously, if it wasn’t nailed down I contemplated spraying it! Once you try it, I know you’ll be thanking me!

tape dispenser.jpg

My March Madness

March started out like most; a couple of school author visits, filling out a college basketball bracket and searching for my flower bulbs to pop up in my garden. This seemingly typical Spring month quickly twirled into a hot mess. Instead of going on and on about all my troubles and shortcomings I have decided to share little random funny snippets and what I learned from my own March Madness.

My month began with a terrible case of the flu, and no I did not get a flu shot. Honestly every time I heard someone complain about the flu I thought to myself, “Grow up. How bad can it really be?” Well, that thinking might be why I fainted face first at the Admissions desk at Urgent Care. Some may call that karma!

With the tax deadline looming my list of banned activities were long, but weeding while my sweet dog went out to potty was thankfully not one of them! So while he did his business, I did mine. I grabbed a big old handful of dried grass from my front garden and got SPLINTERS! The grass was so dry and sharp it pierced my thumb in two places. So deep and almost invisible was this grass that I could not see it to dig it out! The thought of ending up at Urgent Care twice in one month was unacceptable, so I went to the local pharmacy. There they told me about this little pot of drawing salve that might help. Skeptical but desperate, I took it in my hand. The name alone would have sealed our love affair, but then it actually worked! Madness!

The other night my husband was making dinner while I finished up our taxes. I walked into the kitchen to find him cutting the lobster shell with my “only paper cutting scissors!” I explained to him why that was “madness!" It was clear to me he thought I was the mad one so I said …”Jeff, so then it would be cool if I used your 5-iron to plant my perennials?”

As a football family person often times I plant 100’s of bulbs only to move before they show themselves. For years I swore off planting bulbs, thinking it was a jinx. What madness for me when I got to see all the places I chose to plant crocuses, daffodils, tulips and allium back in the fall! So glad I took that risk and can’t wait to do it all over again this fall!

Madness continued with everything taking precedence over my beloved Barre and Pilates classes … breaking my personal record for "worst ever gym attendance." Good news is that since I lost weight thanks to that flu, I sort of seem to have broken even in that department.

One of the few times I was at the gym I ran into a friend who was wondering about my absence. I began my rehearsed response, “So I worked a whole bunch, had the flu, my dog isn’t feeling well and …” she cut me off and said, “Sounds like you’ve been busy writing a country song!” Yes I guess it did. Hmm, maybe I should? Madness!

So March has passed, basketball brackets can be recycled and hopefully the madness is over.

Moral: Madness can teach some pretty great life lessons too.

Your mad friend,

Two little Spring things I started to do: I’m all about buying reduced Spring baskets with fading flowers and planting those bulbs all around my garden! But, now I am also sprouting veggies on my kitchen counter in preparation for my edible garden. Seriously it’s madness after I make a salad. I place the romaine and celery ends in a 1/2 inch of water. About four days later and it is sprouting!!!

A last second update: Congratulations to Villanova University on becoming the 2016 College Basketball National Champions and securing my basketball bracket win too! MADNESS continues...

'Tis the season

I am not a gambling gal--but if I were, this is exactly the kind of bet I should have put all my marbles on. Not only would I have not lost a single bet, but may easily have tripled my lot. Thanks to the last 27 years of practice I have under my belt this type of bet is what Vegas refers to as a “lock."  Here we are closely edging towards the end of March and I am right where I always am--panicking.

Don’t worry friends--I am not exactly requesting you to “talk me off the ledge,” for this is a job that must be done on my own. I had approximately 365 days to prepare for this looming deadline. Twelve months to keep things organized, so this task would be easy-peasey. Instead--the deadline is closing in, my throat is filling with bile, my chest with doom and I am feeling a bit more paralyzed with each passing day.

This task is not even physically taxing. There is no need to train or even qualify for that matter. I will not break a sweat, pull a hammy or tear my meniscus. No weather to endure--as a matter of fact this task will eventually be accomplished in the comfort of my own home where I have indoor plumbing, running water, stocked fridge and endless coffee at my fingertips.

You must be wondering what the actual task is that I dread so?  It’s so distasteful to me that it seems all things are more worthy of my time than this particular task. Yes, I can hear my mind say, “Live your life Allison, this task can wait! You have months until the deadline, what are you so worried about? It’ll get done!”  So in just these past few weeks I’ve done exactly that. I have raked out three rather large garden beds, scrubbed our algae covered water feature and replanted all window boxes and planters. I cleaned the entire basement including our daughter’s bedroom. With just 18 days until this deadline still today you could find me on the roof blowing leaves from the eaves and gutters!

The Von Trapp family singing in The Sound of Music

The Von Trapp family singing in The Sound of Music

But just as the Von Trapp family knew when it was the right time to leave Austria … I too recognize it is now time for me too.

So long, farewell

Auf Wiedersehen, adieu

Adieu, adieu

To you and you and you.”

The above photo represents the very reason why I must say goodbye to you for the next few weeks. This is my tax cabinet. For the last 365 days I have tossed every single paper I felt was somehow related to our 2015 taxes. Also amongst all those financial papers are other papers I hid when people came to visit or just stopped by. This cabinet represents my disdain for numbers, math and calculations. It harkens back to every math problem I never understood.

So until I finish this job I will not allow myself to blog, bake, craft, garden or paint!!!  Just maybe this will be the incentive I need to help me stay focused as I unload, sort, highlight, tally, organize and finally ship off my return to our taxman. Yes, all this fuss and angst and I don’t even do our taxes … I am just responsible for gathering up all the numbers and documents to mail to our dear tax accountant who has the patience of a saint.

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Off in the distance I hear someone saying, “Allison, put your big girl panties on!” Maybe that is just what I need, but first I’m going to give Olivia Pope a ring. Maybe she will “handle this” for me?

Moral: Postponing any unpleasant task seems to only make the misery last longer.

Your challenged friend,


A little thing I do: I know enough about me to know I need many dangling carrots for this task to be accomplished. Not the edible kinds, the kinds that will keep me focused and on task. I’ve decided my carrot will be a massage. Once April 15th comes and goes … I will hopefully be cleansing my body and mind of all toxins--I mean numbers!